Considering Divorce Mediation: Here Are the Top Skills to Learn to Make the Process Easier

The art of peacemaking is a skill that is learned.  For some, it’s not a difficult skill to master.  For others, it might take considerable time and practice in developing, especially when you are dealing with the life-altering and difficult process of going through a divorce.  For couples who are considering divorce and have even already made the step of speaking with a New York divorce lawyer or New Jersey Divorce lawyer, the thought of “peacemaking” in the current troubled waters might seem laughable.  After all, if you’re divorcing, obviously peace can’t be made, right?

Wrong.  In fact, if you’re divorcing, now is the best time to learn the art of peacemaking because resolving family conflict does not happen when divorce papers are signed.  Especially if you have children, conflict may continue to face you as co-parents, regardless of whether or not you share the same home.  There will still be situations involving your children that you have together in which both parents will need to work together to determine the best course of action.  Just because you are divorced does not change this, and your children will always need you to be peacemakers, regardless of your living situation.  That’s why there is no better time than a divorce than to learn how to work peaceably with each other, and there is no better way to do this than through mediation.

Diana Mercer, an attorney-mediator and co-author of Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life (Penguin/Perigee 2010) and Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001) offers these simple steps to working on your peacemaking skills during a divorce.  If you are working with a trained divorce mediator, he or she will remind you of these steps during your mediation sessions.  If you are not working with a divorce mediator, it is still a good idea to remember these peacemaking skills, even if you are litigating the divorce.

1. Be hard on the problem, not the people.
2. Understand that acknowledging and listening are not the same as obeying.
3. Use I-statements.
4. Give the benefit of the doubt.
5. Have awkward conversations real time.
6. Keeps the conversation going.  Life is a dialogue.
7. Ask yourself “Would I rather be happy or right?”
8. Be easy to talk to.

The Unexpected Tax Consequences of a Divorce

Divorce has significant tax consequences, the most important of which is that you can no longer file joint tax returns.  Many couples who have filed jointly for several years forget the tax benefit they’ve been receiving until they have to file as single—then the financial reality of the situation sets in.

 

Divorce lawyers who are skilled at their job are usually able to work with a couple to achieve the maximum benefit from an otherwise non-beneficial tax situation.  There are also ways to structure a divorce settlement that will make taxes owed less difficult for each party to handle. 

A skilled New York divorce lawyer or New York mediator who works with couples going through a divorce will be knowledgeable about New York divorce laws and can help you plan for the tax consequences of a divorce before you file.  When couples focus on minimizing the tax consequences of their divorce settlement, they are able to make a considerable difference in the amount of taxes that each will owe separately.

Alimony and child support are both subject to taxes.  For example, the spouse who makes the alimony payments will be able to claim those payments as a deduction and the person receiving the payments must pay taxes on them.  You have things to work out like maintenance (alimony), which is subject to the IRS codes.  This works out so that the spouse who has a higher income will be able to maximize the use of deductions as a potential tax benefit. 

Child custody is another aspect that should be included in the divorcing couple’s consideration of tax code.  The person with whom the child or children mostly reside will be able to file as Head of Household, decreasing his or her tax burden in the process.  Although child support payments are not deductible, who can claim the child or children as dependents is something that is negotiable in the divorce settlement. 

A few other points to consider: If you need to transfer property from one spouse to another, be sure to do so within one year of your divorce.  If this is done within one year and is part of your divorce settlement, you will be able to make the transfer tax free.  Additionally, if a divorce decree requires one spouse to roll-over his or her retirement assets into the other spouse’s retirement account, this can also be done tax-free.  In any case, it’s always a good idea to speak with a New York divorce attorney or New York divorce mediator to learn the best options regarding your tax burden during and after a divorce.

Mediation Associates of NY & NJ strives to accomplish two things for our clients and which are the cornerstones of a successfully mediated agreement.  The first is the ability to adequately teach the relevant law to our clients on every issue upon which they will be asked to make a decision.  The second is to assist both clients in making sound and healthy decisions based on the law, their needs and those of their children. We are interested in helping you solve your needs through amicable mediation.  Make an appointment for a free consult. Contact us at 877-666-9601 or 914-666-9601.

Taking the “High Road” During Divorce Benefits the Children

Divorce is never easy for anyone, especially for the children involved.  But the good news is that parents are perfectly able to take the “high road” during the process and settle their divorce dispute through Alternative Resolution Methods (ARM).  Even if you think staying together might be the best option, when parents are unable to work out their marital differences, divorce is often a better choice than to subject your household (and your children) to embittered fights and constant stress by trying to stay together for the sake of the kids. 

Conflict plays such an important role in this decision because research shows that the level of conflict between parents—conflict that the children are exposed to—will mean the difference between the children’s ability to adjust well to the divorce or not adjust well.   When children see constant fighting between their parents, this has a significant effect on their well-being and sense of stability—whether the parents are divorced or not.   For this reason alone, avoiding obvious fights and arguments that can be overheard or sensed by your children should be your primary goal when considering divorce and undergoing the process of finalizing it.   

Research also shows that children adjust better to a separation and divorce if parents adjust well.  If a parent undergoes intense psychological distress during a divorce, it is highly likely that the children involved will do the same because children look to their parents to know how to react to circumstances.  That’s why New York mediation and New Jersey mediation helps families to such an extent when they are going through this process—mediation encourages open communication between parties to determine the best course of action and discourages increased bitterness that is a result of a legal battle.   

By choosing to mediate rather than battling it out in the courts, you are increasing your chances of having a discrete process that will leave both parties satisfied and be easier on the children in the process.  Divorce mediation is a process that can help both parents come to a fair and reasonable agreement on all matters regarding property, custody and the future decisions that will be made for the children’s best interest.   

Mediation Associates of NY & NJ offers New York and New Jersey Attorney services and divorce mediation services.  We assist people who are going through divorce settle their disputes through amicable and competent mediation.

Why Divorce Mediation is better than going through the courts?

Mediation is in the category of alternative dispute resolution.  It is the process of settling a dispute using a third party negotiator/mediator, instead of letting a judge decide your fate.  What separates Mediation Associates of NY & NJ is that all of our mediators are licensed attorneys and/or therapists with extensive experience in Divorce Mediation and Settlement.   

Many families opt to use a mediator throughout the process of their divorce.  A mediator can assist with all of the relevant issues that may come up, including child support, spousal support/alimony, equitable distribution and any other miscellaneous divorce matters.  

The reason why many families opt for divorce mediation is because of the vast amount of benefits that it has.  From money, to less conflict, divorce mediation is a great strategy to opt for when you are looking for help throughout your divorce.  Here are a few of the many benefits that it offers.

Price
Mediation is less expensive than duking it out in court.  Even though you have to hire a mediator and pay for their services, the process is usually a much smaller amount of time, leaving you with significantly less court fees.   The attorneys at our firm drastically reduce their fees for the mediation.

Discrete
Using a mediator will make your divorce process much more discrete.  Throughout the mediation process there are very few people involved.   Most of our clients never go to court and never see a judge.  All negotiations are done in a private, casual setting in our conference room.

Win-win
Mediators will help make it so that each party is on the receiving end of benefits.  It is no longer a fight between two people, it is a negotiation process.  There is some give and take, but the end result is always one in which both parties can move forward in a positive way, knowing that they had a hand in deciding the issues of their divorce rather than having someone else make such decisions.

Control
When you are going through a divorce and you are using the courts, it is possible that they may come out with an outcome that is unfair, or that doesn’t suit your needs.  When you use a mediator you can define what you want done, and your opinions are listened to.  A judge and jury make a final decision, whereas mediators will work with you and talk you through situations.

Whatever it is that you decide, keep in mind that litigation may take a longer time to help you get a conclusion.  By hiring a New Jersey or New York mediator such as Mediation Associates of NY and NJ, you are increasing your chances of having a discrete process that will leave both parties satisfied.  Divorce Mediation is a process that can take even the stickiest of conflicts and find reasonable resolutions for all parties.  
Make your divorce stress free.  Make an appointment for a free consult.

Mediation Associates of NY & NJ offers New York and New Jersey Attorney services and divorce mediation services. We are interested in helping you solve your needs through amicable mediation.

Compassionate Divorce is achievable!